I'm not sure which category I come into, but I don't hate you.

There are washing options that involve less risk of falling over than a shower and might do as compromise solutions. Wash basin, shower-head with your head over the bath for the hair, and so on.

Why not go to Nest and be cuddly rather than graceful? You're better at it, and other people probably prefer it - I know I do. Graceful people worry me and make me feel inadequate.