gwenzilla: (fantasy)
It was the weirdest thing. First, I was in trouble for not going to rehearsals with this orchestra I was playing with that was actually a bunch of kids in their teens and twenties. I have no idea what I was doing running around with these children, but there you have it. I seemed to see the director as some sort of authority figure. I may also have been in love with him.

Then, as a result of finally showing up and managing to fix several of my bandmates' mobile phones and possibly an iPad (don't ask), I was offered some kind of fellowship at a university which seemed to be attached to my high school alma mater, which was this bizarre place in Michigan, only it looked a lot like Camden Lock Market.

Time flew by, as it does, and I'd been there for ages, and this director and I were apparently having a real life relationship, though I couldn't even tell you what the fellow looked like: he was mostly a compelling voice over the phone and a lot of titillating ideas (isn't that always the way), but we had trouble finding places to be together because his place was cramped and he lived with about a dozen other people for some reason.

So one night, I had the bright idea that I should check out the university digs, since they gave them to me as part of the fellowship. I was expecting some dingy room with a single bare bulb, particularly when I found out that the address was located somewhere in the camp area of my old alma mater, and that's where it becomes important that the Fine Arts building (lovingly nicknamed F/Arts) that was really just a cabin had been replaced by something that looked a lot like Camden Lock Market (see above).

I went to the desk and presented them with my letter of residency, and they told me where to go and I started walking. My knees were hurting me, but I reminded myself that as this was a dream I could get around easily even if I still had arthritis, so there was this floaty chair assigned to me. I got to the digs door, where I was told I was on the 42nd floor, to take the stairs up to the lift and just press '42', and then I'd be able to find my address.

I looked up into the night sky to see hundreds of glimmering little bits of light that might have been houses, up in the sky. I figured you'd have to be important to rate one of those. I got in the lift and pressed 42.

Whenever there's a lift in my dreams, it always seems to go sideways. I'm not sure why that happens, but there you have it. I went up for a ways, sideways for a ways, then up again. Different people got on and got off.

Level 42, as it turned out, was the launch pad for the floaty glimmer houses. I couldn't believe my luck, but I also was kicking myself, because how long had I been there without realising I had a floaty glimmer house? Somebody should have told me, but I'm sure I'm just as bad about reading mail (e or snail) there as I am here, so. I walked to the new residents reception kiosk and gave them my letter. They chuckled and plugged a number into my floaty chair, gave me the key, and wished me a good night.

It was like flying above a Disney set. There were lakes and waterfalls and all manner of nifty little things, and when I got to my address I realised they weren't glimmer houses, they were glimmer neighbourhoods. I could see one in the distance that was all moderny, but mine was castley, which suited me just fine. The door was green. I expected to have a little room in a nice residence, but as it turned out, the whole thing was mine. Little invisible servants kept asking me what I would like this or that room to be. The dining area was like a restaurant -- complete with people eating in it. I set the space to private, and they all got up and politely left, carrying their meals in little picnic baskets. I had to come back later and set several other entrances and exits private as I shooed off more and more diners. A neighbour told me they ware glad I'd finally appeared as everyone was getting tired of the squatters in my house.

Which had a room for knitting, and a room full of gadgets, and a room full of harps, and an office at the very top with a 360° view of the surrounding neighbourhood and a skylight that looked up into a clear night sky, always above the clouds. Every so often I'd discover a new exit I needed to make private, but I was on the phone shortly sending a text message to my director telling him I'd found a place we could be together.

I was conscious the whole time this was a dream but great little details kept shooting through that must have come directly from my subconscious. The last scene was me giving the beloved a tour in the floaty chair and whizzing all around showcasing the little street of shops in the neighbourhood, meeting my neighbours, and whinging about the necessity of going down to campus to teach class.

So, that's why I didn't want to get up today.
gwenzilla: (Default)
It was nice to reconnect with people. Concerts I saw were enjoyable. Circles I attended were nice. Naming no names at the risk of missing anybody out. I regret everything I missed, and I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with people who wanted to spend more time with me. I am, however, thrilled that I got to spend time with the people I did spend time with, happy for those who had happy times, and sorry for those whose experiences didn't measure up to their expectations. We got home Monday evening around six, and I don't think I've been awake more than five hours at a stretch since then.
gwenzilla: (Default)
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] wyld_dandelyon at Now's a great time to buy a Diane Duane e-book
I heard from two writers I trust that Fantasy writer Diane Duane got a big surprise today--she looked at her bank account balance online and found it was $0.00. Apparently someone got into her bank account and removed all the money. The bank will ... eventually, supposedly ... restore funds lost due to fraud. But right now the household is without funds to pay bills or buy necessities. She is the author of the Young Wizards series and other wonderful books.

You can help by:

1) going over to her Ebooks Direct store ( http://ebooksdirect.dianeduane.com/ ) and buying something. If you use the discount code DDGOTSKIMMED, that will give you 20% off whatever you buy.

2) boosting the signal.

Thank you.
gwenzilla: (geeksphere)
Sorry, this ship has sailed.

Since I got my iPad, I've used my MacBook Pro less and less.

It's more than four years old now, well out of warranty and AppleCare coverage, and in very good shape. We have a new family iMac, and [livejournal.com profile] filceolaire loves his 17" iMac and prefers to hold on to it, even though the MBP is newer.

It's running Lion, which has made it slow down somewhat, but I'm happy to retrograde it to Snow Leopard before selling it on. In fact, I'll take it to Apple for a complete service and make sure you're getting a machine that's as much like new as possible if you want to buy it. It's been an amazing computer, and I love its very guts, but I'm just not using it as much as I used to. My last Apple notebook lasted me nine solid years, and I'm sure this one has at least five more years of life in it. It will be happiest running Snow Leopard, so if you're invested in iCloud or PhotoStream, this might not be the machine for you. It's running Lion just fine for me, although I have noticed a bit of a slowdown, which might be because I make it do a lot of stuff at once, or might be because it really prefers the older system.

Its last battery began swelling a month or so ago, and because I was almost never taking it out of the house, I didn't replace it. A new battery for it will cost you about £80, I think, but feel free to check for yourself.

Specs:

MacBook Pro SN W87361SMX94
Processor: 2.4 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
RAM: 4GB (installed 2010, purchased from Crucial)
HD: Original 160GB drive
Display: 17" Anti-Glare (sweet!)
3 USB ports, 1 FireWire 800 port, 1 FireWire 400 port, Ethernet, Mini-VGA
SD card slot, SuperDrive DVD r/w

Repairs:

Main Logic Board replaced, April 2010 due to well-documented NVIDIA graphics issue which caused board to fail.

Battery replaced, February 2010 due to swelling.

This machine retailed for about £1,800. I'll take £900 OBO for it. Comparable machines seem to be selling on E-Bay for about £700, but trust me, nobody takes better care of a Mac than I do, the logic board is only two years old, and the display has never had a single problem. The only part you might worry about would be the hard drive. All hard drives fail eventually; stick an SSD into this lovely darling and it'll run like the wind.

Feel free to pass this message on to anybody who might be interested in a second-hand MacBook Pro in very good condition. I would say I'm limiting offers to UK only, but hey-- I'll be in San Francisco in March and I could be talked into transporting it for a guaranteed sale.
gwenzilla: (Knitting!)
Hey!

Are you a knitter?
Do you like to work on Super Sekrit Projects?
Would you be interested in making ONE PIECE of something MUCH BIGGER?
Is your status as a PUSHOVER in jeopardy?

Worry no more! I may have something amazing for you to do! :)

Watch this space, or send me a message to find out more.
gwenzilla: (iphone)
We humans. We're so predictable. We imagine ourselves safe. We imagine ourselves surrounded by light and air and we don't like to open the windows when the wind is howling: it's bad enough to hear it from inside our secure rooms. We put ourselves into that false safety when we're in a place we've felt safe in before, even if the circumstances are different.

On Sunday, I went to the Wellcome Café to have coffee with [livejournal.com profile] fjm and her beloved. I had something to lend her: an old phone, since hers had been stolen, probably on the Tube, a couple of weeks earlier. We had a lovely chat, completely off the subject of my dissertation, and when they left, I settled down to write.

The Wellcome is a clean, well-lighted place. Not open late, like the one from the Hemingway story, but bright and cheerful and full, on a Sunday afternoon, of people meeting for reasons I couldn't guess but was happy to speculate on as I sat there taking in the murmur of the patrons.

And then, something happened.

Two young women, possibly Asian, walked over to my table. One of them stood directly behind me, which was disconcerting. The other stood on my left side. She had a Barclay's Cycle Hire flyer, which she put in front of my face. They both mumbled words in a language I didn't know. The one behind me reached around my left side and drank from my water glass (ew). Then she dipped her fingers in the sugar bowl on my table (double ew) and licked her fingers.

I did what many people would have done. I assumed they were homeless urchins and explained to them that the water was free and the sugar was free; I was working; please leave me alone.

It took perhaps a minute for it to register, after they slipped away and I went back to my writing, that all that antisocial behaviour had been a distraction. They'd stolen my iPhone. I immediately walked over to the security guard at the door and asked him if he'd seen two young women leave, as they'd just stolen my phone. After that, I gathered my things from the table, asked a couple of other patrons if they'd seen anything, and met the security guard at the desk to give a statement and call the police.

They spent about 10 minutes trying to find the number for the local police station. I don't know why they did that, when the 101 service for non-emergencies (no, the cops don't consider a mobile phone theft to be an emergency) has been so widely advertised, but that's neither here nor there. I pulled up all the information for my phone, began a track in Find My iPhone, and requested an email when the phone was found. I gave a statement to the police, who told me someone would be in touch soon with a case number and some information. The security guard led me to an administrative desk out of the main café (it's really bad publicity to have a clearly-spoken American woman explaining how her phone was just nicked in your café, don'tchaknow), where I rang O2 and had the IMEI blocked, rang G to explain I'd be late home, and rang J to ask what we should do.

A few months ago, we were very smart. We added a general list of items to our home contents insurance, and one of those items was my previous iPhone. J figured the proof of purchase for the new one would be enough for the insurance company and that the overage would be about £50, so we went off to Apple by way of O2 to procure a replacement phone and sim.

Why am I telling you this? It's not so you'll feel bad that my phone was stolen. I am just pleased the phone was insured. It's not so I can tell you how stupid I felt after the theft; trust me, I felt plenty stupid. It's because while this kind of thing might be more difficult for thieves to pull on me in the future, other people might not know what they do. So I'll outline what the police and the security folks at the Wellcome told me.

They are usually very young, between 15-18, or they appear very young.
They work in pairs.
They prey on people who look busy, who are alone, and who have something expensive out in plain view. (I'd just got off the phone with my son.)
They carry some small prop, like the cycle hire flyer.
They mumble, they put their hands in front of your face, they do whatever they can to distract the mark from the expensive item.
The prop is something for the mark to look at instead of the expensive item. They wave it around.
They do not make much noise.
Their aim is to confuse you into distraction, annoy you into telling them to go away, and then be angry enough that you don't look down for a few seconds -- enough time for them to slip away.
Even then, it can take a few minutes for you to put yourself together.
You can't believe how stupid you were to let these two people dupe you out of your expensive (usually) phone.
Maybe you're embarrassed and don't say anything right away; maybe you yell. It doesn't matter. They are already gone.

Two hours after my phone was stolen, it appeared on Find My iPhone, in a residential street in Dagenham. This information has been passed on to the police, since thieves apparently take things back to a central house before they're fenced. Once I'd discerned at least one location of the phone, I performed a remote wipe, since I keep everything on my phone.

Know your phone's serial number. Write it down and put it someplace safe. Keep it somewhere you can probably get to in a pinch.
Know your phone's IMEI. Same as above.
If you have an iPhone, get the free Find My iPhone app and activate it, but understand:
-it only works if the phone is on
-it only works if the phone has a signal
-thieves are smart enough to know how to turn an iPhone off.
Back Up Your Data. I'm enough of an Apple geek that I subscribe to the (free) iCloud backup service, which makes sure your data is safe and easily downloadable to another Apple device. But no matter what kind of phone you have, make sure your data is backed up somewhere. Your computer, a cloud service, whatever there is, you back it up.
Keep your phone in a case, and keep it close to your body, particularly if you have a white iPhone, which is apparently the most nickable phone in the UK. Ordinarily, I keep my phone in a travel wallet around my neck, but I'd taken the wallet off while chatting with F & E and had put the phone on the table rather than back in the wallet after I got off the phone with G.
If anybody walks up to you, immediately put your hand on your phone or other valuable item. It's OK to be suspicious of strangers (duh!).

My phone was a white iPhone 4S, serial number DNPGPB0FDTDV. The IMEI, now blocked in the UK and I think Europe, was 012021007444672. It was less than a month old.
gwenzilla: (Default)
http://vimeo.com/33318759

The link is to a presentation by Jill Vaughan and Lauren Gawne at the Australian Linguistics Society annual conference 2011.

(Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] osewalrus for this video.) :)
gwenzilla: (Default)
So I really like Instagram. Several photos below the cut tag.

Photos )
gwenzilla: (Default)

  • Went to The London Particular for coffee and lunch.
  • Walked to the bus stop to head into Lewisham to pick up some reading glasses.
  • Realised that a) it got awfully cold and I needed a jacket; b) the next bus to Lewisham wasn't due for 16 minutes from the stop I was at; and c) my house keys were in my computer backpack, not in my handbag.
  • I therefore walked to New Cross station and took a train to Canada Water, madly sending text messages to J and G along the way to decide whether I should go to Stratfield or Heathrow.
  • Ended up choosing Stratfield, since most of the journey would be warm.
  • Got coffee in a coffee shop much too loud to work in, with echoey high ceilings.
  • Was met by G and his friends, then the delightful P, after which we wandered around the centre.
  • Exchanged my black iPhone case for a red one.
  • Went to John Lewis and exclaimed about the lack of a decent haberdashery section.
  • Waited for J in the John Lewis café, where there was meant to be a great view of the Olympic stadium, but where in fact there was a great view of the glare from the lights inside the John Lewis café and also the bright Christmas lights outside and also the brightly lit up john lewis sign outside the window. It was a pleasant place to hang out for a while, though.
  • Came home with J and G.
  • Cooked dinner.

Now we're at the, "Let's watch some television and then go to bed" point of the evening.

Am I boring, or what?
gwenzilla: (Default)
Today as many of my friends, I was in Olney for a celebration of Keris' life. [livejournal.com profile] filceolaire and I were lucky to get a lift from [livejournal.com profile] valydiarosada and her lovely husband, and along with the equally lovely LD, we headed off to Olney. We arrived around noon, had a relaxed lunch, before and after which I took a few photographs, then headed off to bid Keris farewell.

There were so many people. There were many hugs. There was music, and there were lovely remembrances, including one from Keris' work life, which most of us knew next to nothing about, and more music.

There's not much more to say. I believe he would have appreciated the send-off, but I know he'd have wanted to be there to fiddle with the sound as well.

Never forgotten.
Photos, just four, beneath the cut tag. )
gwenzilla: (Default)
Just thought you ought to know. I know, it's harder to spell than the old name, but it encompasses more stuff. And it contains a play on words, which might amuse some of you.

I'm also changing back to a public posting base, though many posts will still be locked.

Keris.

Nov. 14th, 2011 09:25 am
gwenzilla: (Default)
It seems wrong to remain silent, having read all these tributes and posts, tweets and Facebook notes, about my friend Chris Croughton, aka Keris. My thoughtful stepdaughters rang [livejournal.com profile] filceolaire and me simultaneously on Saturday morning to let us know what had happened, and I'm so grateful they did.

There are not enough superlatives in the world to describe Chris. He was a friend, a confidante, a rock in times of trouble, a witty conversational partner, and a keenly talented musician and sound man.
I'm having trouble imagining a world without Chris, as I know many of my friends and family are now as well. It hasn't changed since Saturday. It is not OK that Keris is dead. It is not right. It still does not seem possible.

Despite his many awards and accolades, despite the number of things in which he was actively involved, my greatest sorrow is one thing Chris and I shared and talked about on many occasions: he had no idea how much people loved him. He just did what he did, served his community, made himself useful in part to counteract his profound shyness, and everyone who met him knew he was special. Nobody met Chris and then forgot about him. That would be impossible.

Dear Chris, I loved you and I love you. Wherever you are, if you are, hear my sorrow and the sorrow of everyone who ever knew you or wanted to know you, and know that your life touched so many people and made them glad. If you are not, may the dust, atoms, and chemicals that made you and gave you breath blow into other lives that they may be more glad for having a bit of you in them.
gwenzilla: (Default)
This is a continuation of the infuriating saga we've been going through with BT. Those of you who do not consider this a proper journal update because I have also tweeted about it can fuck off: this is what is going on in my life right now. I am unable to get very much else done because of it.

Here's a link to the previous public entry on this subject, if you want some background.

19 May-7 June

  • Through a boggling amount of bad communication, complete disregard for its customers, poor service and utter incompetence, #BT manage to:

    1. Ignore that there are two flats at our numerical address, even though there have been two flats at this address for the 8 years we have lived here and at least 20 years before that;
    2. Disconnect our phone line in order to connect new tenants downstairs;
    3. Completely ignore our pleas for help before the Bank Holiday weekend;
    4. Offer us temporary solutions that only frustrated us and made the situation worse;
    5. Disregard our requests for help soon after the Bank Holiday weekend is over given the seriousness of their fuckup;

  • When someone who appears to have a brain and the ability to help us calls, this results in:

    1. An explanation about how they really didn't know there were two flat at this address (REALLY?);
    2. An attempt to solve the problem that results in our line functioning properly in the neighbour's flat and their line functioning properly in ours. BT considers problem solved.

Read the rest of the story? )
gwenzilla: (Default)
 19 May:
  • I receive a text from O2 Broadband saying that BT has informed them our line is being cancelled; please call them back with instructions.
  • I ring O2 and tell them no such thing is happening, wtf is going on?
  • O2 informs me they have this from the BT service line; I should call BT.
  • By this time husband is home, so he rings BT to let them know this cancellation order has been raised erroneously.
  • We thank O2 for letting us know; otherwise we'd have just woken up one day to find our phone not working!
  • BT assures us that since we've called to let them know, nothing will happen with our number; the cancellation order must have been raised in error.
All is Merry & Gay, until: )
gwenzilla: (Default)
Well, it's been a week. I guess you could say that about any week, but it seems important to comment on this one. In a few minutes I will have been 45 for a week. That feels weird.

My birthday passed largely without incident. About six people showed up to the little picnic that the lovely VH planned for me at the Isabella Plantation in Richmond Park, and we had lovely treats and a yummy cake made by [livejournal.com profile] aunty_marion. I got some beautiful alpaca three-ply in a seafoam green colour from VH, and a couple of cards. The best thing about the day was just getting to spend some quiet time with friends, in a nice place outside, on a beautiful day.

I worked through the weekend (all hail retail), then had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week 'off' from work. I've asked that my hours be dropped from 38 to 32 until my dissertation is finished. For now, I still have classes on Tuesdays, but after that, it'll just be a few meetings with my dissertation supervisor, after which it's Moment Of Truth time.

I never could do anything small: for my dissertation, I am doing something I have never done before. I'm sure it will all be fine. Honest. :-) For those of you who are interested, I may go more into it on some writing filter or other, or I may just say screw the filters. It feels like time to just say 'fuck it' about a lot of stuff.

So, today was my first day back at work after three days of classes and, for the first time in months with no coursework due, I spent a lot of time chilling, watching television shows on iPlayer and other catch-up services, and knitting. I actually finished a pair of socks on the 5th of May and wore them to my birthday picnic. I'm inches away from finishing a second pair, though I'm not sure how well they're going to fit. They might have to go to a friend, because I fear they're ever so slightly too small for me.

We had some excitement at work this afternoon: the shopping centre that houses the store where I work was the location for the new Pirates of the Caribbean UK Premiere. This meant there was a huge pirate skull and crossed swords ... thingy made and stuck up on one of the balconies to reach down to the ground floor. It was silver and red. This also meant that today, the shopping centre was manic, and not just with people dying to buy the latest thing. When I arrived this morning (early!), there were already people in their POTC t-shirts, who'd apparently been waiting all night to be close enough to the red carpet to get a glimpse of The Depp when he walked onto the red carpet. I admit that when I heard the <i>really</i> loud cheer from the crowds outside, I did sneak to the store entrance and catch a glimpse of Mr Depp on the big screen that's visible from our store. He was wearing black plastic hipster glasses and a suit. It would have been much more fun if he'd come as Captain Jack, but that's just my overactive imagination talking. One of my coworkers was slightly bummed that Keith Richards didn't show up, but I figured he was just busy with the daily rituals he must perform to reanimate his corpse every night. And as summer approaches here, nightfall gets later and later. Those poor undead creatures really hate British Summer Time.

Remind me that I want to run an idea for my potential PhD project by you all.

Also, hi. I'm doing my best to start blogging a little bit again. I'm going to keep copying my tweets to LJ just so I can remember what I was up to on a given day, but my commitment now is to try and give this poor, neglected LJ a few hundred words at least every few days. I was here so religiously for so long it feels a little weird to have been largely away for the last, what, two, three years? And then again, when I consider all the things I've gone through on LJ, maybe it was best I took some time away. It helped me remember this is a place where my friends are, and the people who betrayed me in a thousand ways just really do not matter. It is such a fine thing to be in the right place with the right people.

Bedtime.
gwenzilla: (performing)
[livejournal.com profile] catalana has announced this year's Pegasus nominations. They're under the cut.

Longish list below cut tag )

Thanks to everybody who nominated me, and congratulations to my fellow nominees. It's really nice to be recognised by your peers. :-)

If you're interested, the online ballot is here. Do give everything a listen before you vote: bad stuff just doesn't get nominated for these awards, and you might find yourself with a new earworm. :)
gwenzilla: (second life)
I know it may seem hard for some of you to believe, but despite my lack of outward girliness, I am actually a girl.

And today, I found SERIOUSLY KICKASS HAIR. :-)

Incriminating Girly Photographic Evidence Below! )
gwenzilla: (Default)
OK, it's time to reveal the ugly truth, a truth I have known for weeks now and have been struggling to come to grips with.

I live in a nation of obsessives. Now, nobody disputes that; in fact the English often appear self-consciously eccentric, each with his or her own peculiar little addictions, passions, obsessions, etc. Some people even have more than one. Now, I understand this. I appreciate it. I revel in it, being a person of slightly weird hobbies and eccentricities myself.

But the country seems to have a collective obsession:

The United Kingdom, as a nation, is obsessed with toast. )
gwenzilla: (Default)
Or: A Modest Home-- with apologies to Jonathan Swift

Well, the kids have a separate entrance. That's because if they came in the front door, they'd slip on all the Wesson oil. I'm telling you, there's nothing quite like the sex-toy obstacle course in my living room, either. Sometimes you literally can't move for all the dildos. And I cannot even express how pissed off I got the last time someone left a TENS unit plugged in by the back door. Upset the dog mightily when he attempted to touch it with his cold, wet nose. ZAP! Let's just say that we've asked the lady who likes cattle prods (politely) not to come back. Poor dog.

Yeah, there's nothing like the smell of nookie in the air, 24/7, because that's what it's like to have an Alternative Lifestyle. That's what it's like to live in a polyamorous household. All that bellyaching I have been doing about chores and personality adjustments is really just a smoke screen for what I'm sure you all already have guessed-- all we do is fuck, every day and every night. That's right: it's a constant orgy at my house. And not only do we fuck a lot, we fuck everybody. It's really tough, hiding all that stuff from the kids, but somehow we manage to do it. I mean, I'm pretty sure we do.

Things really start to heat up after 10pm when the oldest child goes to bed. That's when we clear everything off the table and start playing serious games. Of course, the children aren't allowed downstairs, where all the Evil Dungeon Equipment is kept. You see, as depraved as we are, it's not enough just to fuck each other. We have to string each other up and hurt each other, too. Because, you know, only people who are so depraved they are just sick of regular, normal fucking would ever do such a thing.

I can't remember the last time two people had sex in the missionary position at my house. It's considered taboo. People started getting that message when we instituted a $10.00 fine for every time a male-female couple was found having missionary-position sex. This kind of activity is allowable only if there are other people, anal pentration, or animals involved. Strap-ons, of course, are allowable for two women, but we really prefer to see some nipple clamps or something, just to dress up the girl on the bottom.

And you thought when I used the word "clusterfuck" I was talking about scheduling? Au contraire. No, no, no; that's a house term for when the action is so confusing, you really can't tell who's cumming on whom.

It's not enough that there are four cats and a dog in this house; one of our housemates is pursuing her life's work of breeding a hamster both small and sleek enough to fit properly, and mentally conditioned to want to crawl up someone's ass. Because, of course, we'd hate to abuse an innocent animal. It just doesn't feel right to us. That's why we keep plenty of canned tuna and wet dogfood on hand for when our guests want to play with our pets.

Of course, we don't always have guests over, but trust me; the action is just as good when it's just the people who live here on a day-to-day basis. I can't count the number of times I've walked in after a long day of work and had to engage in obligatory oral sex before so much as divesting myself of my car keys.

And the lube bills! You would not believe how much we spend on lube and contraceptives! It's a line-item in our monthly budget to which everyone must contribute. Of course, we always practice safe sex at my house. If run out of condoms before the next bulk shipment arrives, whoever is playing errandslave that day has five minutes to make it to the convenience store and back. If she's late, guess who gets to be on the bottom? Of course, we've had to let a couple of errandslaves go because they were intentionally late whenever this duty fell to them.

One thing I do complain about for real is that I can never keep vegetables in the house. Cucumbers, carrots, even potatoes, are constantly being used for nefarious lesbian dabauchery or anal play. Some people are just too good for plastic. But the next time I walk into my bedroom and find that an entire box of popsicles has been melted -- on someone besides me, I'm going to go ballistic!

We have such an interesting schedule at my house. All day long, my housemates who are at home fuck themselves silly and get the house nice and lubed up for the rest of us. Then, when everyone else gets home, it's pretty much a free for all. Well, except for Tuesday nights, which are twofers-- we fine everyone who doesn't fuck at least two people after dinner. Wednesday nights are our marathon-- in order to win the weekly poll, you have to fuck every single other housemate, and all their guests, too-- That time one of our housemates brought an entire college track team in was a real marathon!

You might be thinking that I spend most of my time being smug, and you'd be right. I mean, constant sex, lots of kinky alterations, and absolutely no guilt. We look down on everyone who doesn't live like we do, because, after all, we're completely perverted and debauched, and we don't care that we're all going to hell-- why not drag everyone else we know, hell, everyone else on earth down with us?

So, next time you're wondering why I haven't posted in awhile, check your calendar. It's probably Wednesday night.

In case you haven't figured it out, my evil, twisted tongue is firmly in my depraved, hellbound cheek.

May 2018

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